The Better Islamic Marriage books, part 2

In my studies on marriage, I uncovered a few decent books on Islamic marriage. Marriage in Islam is a contract, while marriage in Christianity is a covenant. Despite these differences, let’s look at what some of the contemporary Islamic marriage books show.

Islamic marriage book – Bent Rib

Bent Rib by Huda Khattab (International Islamic Publishing House, 2010) is an excellent write-up about current Islamic issues. She explores many of the explosive issues related to marriage, and on the social issues, she digs deeper. Her writing seeks to present Islam in a good light but sometimes minimizes the gravity of the Islamic legal issues with a general summary. She places Surah 4:19, which talks about “a degree over” as relating only to divorce (27), and the idea of “striking” found in Surah 4:34-35 as “a symbolic gesture.” (28). On the latter, though, she attempts to counter domestic violence with this verse more thoroughly by promoting that the text does not “imply force or violence” (80). However, later in her writing, harsher discipline is granted as a “last resort” (81).

Main critique

My main critique of her writing is the title alludes to a Hadith calling women a bent rib. Despite quoting one of these hadith, she only states one sentence on the matter: “Describing a woman as being like a rib is not derogatory, as some feminists might have us believe; this hadith is an example of the wisdom and understanding by the Prophet, who understood the nature of women and taught his followers to respect and cherish them.” (90). Her opinion is noble, but this ignores the use and meaning of the term, bent rib in other places. For instance, “This crookedness means that there is a deficiency in her by creation, because the woman is usually very emotional; her temper changes, she gets angry, her condition worsens, and her mind is weakened for the slightest reason.”^[1]https://www.islamweb.net/en/fatwa/355756/meaning-of-woman-being-created-from-crooked-rib. accessed Dec. 1, 2022. Much like the well-accepted and authentic collector of Hadith, Bukhari said, “A woman is like a rib, if you attempt to straighten it, you will break it; and if you benefit from her, you will do so while crookedness remains in her.”^[2]https://sunnah.com/riyadussalihin:273 and “I have not left after me a tribulation more harmful to men than women.”^[3]Reported by Usamah bin Zayd. Recorded by al-Bukhari, and Muslim. Found in al-Jibaly, Closer than a Garment, 4. Despite these issues, her write-up provides great benefit for the reader.

Islamic Guide to Sexual Relations

Islamic Guide to Sexual Relations by Mohammad bin Adam (Huma Press, 2008). This book is most likely the best sex manual for Islamic couples since it deals with sex in an honorable way. The author states that this book is the summary of many years of counseling couples and goes into specifics on sexual positions and possibilities. After discussing the unusual right to sex and preferred times, he delves into the preparations for sex and the Islamic regulations concerning various aspects. Notably, he expresses concern about women’s bodily hair and men’s mustaches (referencing pages 40, 46, 52, and 50-51). This explains why some men may have a beard but no mustache.

Two other points that give insight into the contractual aspect of Islamic marriage are the idea that the husband and the wife must seduce each other (44 and 55). The contract expectation focuses on this, where manipulating one’s rights dominates rather than seeking oneness in a Christian marriage. Also, the non-exclusive nature of Islamic marriage comes into focus when the author discusses what a man with two wives should or should not do (77-78).

Rights of Men & Women

The Rights and Obligations of Men and Women in Islaam by Rabee bin Haadee (Tarbiyyah Bookstore, 2007) focuses on Suwar (Surah in plural), which grants rights in the marriage and obligations mainly to the wife. The read bounces between the Arabic Surah, commentary and the author’s interpretation.

Of distinction in this book is the emphasis on a woman’s character deficiency (36, 38, 67, and 75). He says, “The woman could be righteous to a certain extent, but she is deficient concerning her awareness or understanding or she may not be religious” (75). This section mentions how the husband can train his wife to be more submissive.

Surprisingly, he gives a hadith in which two men slap the necks of the wives of their prophet in a section about the wives’ rights, which, in the reader’s mind, would limit their ability to obtain their rights.

Through my observations, I have noticed a striking dynamic within the framework of Islam, where the rights afforded to the husband often translate directly into the wife’s obligations. This creates a scenario in which her entitled rights can be easily influenced or constrained by her husband’s choices and behaviors. As a result, the balance of rights and responsibilities heavily tips in the husband’s favor, shaping the wife’s experience in ways that may not always align with her needs or wishes. This book presents this mentality.

A Complete Solution

Marriage: A Complete Solution by Saiful Islam (JKN Publications, 2011) proposes marriage as the complete solution to the man’s sexual drive. The author starts with a quote from their prophet, saying that the wife is a commodity (13). He proposes the book’s premise that marriage will solve problems if one follows the guidelines of Islam and also chooses correctly (19-23). He proves his ideas with quotes from the Quran or Hadith and then follows them up with a few points of interpretation.

Concerning the training of one’s wife, the author never encourages the hitting of a wife and gives other options when a couple disagrees (74-75).

One weakness I saw in the list of rights for the wife is that they were not really rights but things a wife can hope for from her husband (71-73). While the list of rights for the husband starts with “She must…” this pattern is never followed for the husband that “He must…” So, in this sense, there are never rights for the wife to receive. However, the clarity of the material and the massive area covered for a short book is impressive and I am sure most Muslim couples will find some benefit in this marriage book.

Difference between Islam and Biblical Marriage

The critical difference between a quranic and biblical marriage is that one is a contract and the other a covenant. The covenant marriage seeks oneness, while the Islamic contract maintains distance to form twoness.

Defining Marriage: Sketching the difference between Covenant and Contract will help those influenced by an Islamic society to practically live out a covenant marriage. The examples in Defining Marriage give actionable tips to help your marriage while reinforcing a biblical perspective.